the clusterfuck that is a thyroid.

on

So, we never hear about the thyroid.

I never understood exactly what the thyroid did until my sister in law pointed out my levels being too high. I never worried about it and stayed up late into the night too anxious about it until I actually understood how it affected my fertility.

There is a naive, hopeful excitement that happens when you decide to start trying to conceive. Especially as a lesbian couple going the fertility clinic route. You set up your appointment, get overly excited about them calling you to tell you that, actually, someone canceled and you can come in earlier, and hearing how they can easily use medication to help with your pcos.

It’s doable. Simple. “Most the time it takes three chances.”

We eagerly when through the process of finding a sperm donor, paying the bank a small fortune for those three vials, and have them waiting for you at your clinic.

It was so easy. This would work.

Except, then they call you at your new teaching job and let you know that they should skip this month and try a medication to lower your thyroid.

You guys know. You read my insanely long post about my thyroid mess – take medication, it didn’t work, take medication the next month, made it worse, go to a new doctor, rinse and repeat.

July.

August.

September.

October.

November.

December.

By December, my tsh (which we know that’s not the only thing we should care about when talking thyroid business but its the easiest) went from 6.9 to a 3.4. High but we were tired and we switched new doctors and clinics and just needed to try.

So we did.

It took us until February to get my thyroid down to 1.4. When I got the results, I cried.

This controlled my life for months. I researched the hell out of this, stressed about it, lost sleep, and had so many voices in my head of people who told me that if my thyroid wasn’t perfect then I would miscarriage or, hell, not even conceive.

It took so long – and yes, looking back it flew by – and it caused so many emotions.

Who knew? The thyroid is kind of like a control center for the hormones – which means, fertility.

I kind of forget about it now. I take my NDT first thing in the morning. I try to be active. I attempt to have a decent diet. I’ve dove deeper and learned about MFTHR gene mutations and added aspirin and methanolate to my daily regiment.

But it doesn’t control me anymore.

It doesn’t keep me awake.

But it did cause way, way too much heartbreak.

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