just because things fail doesn’t mean you do. 

28 Walmart Cheapies
12 Family Dollar Cheapies
12 First Response
1 Blood Test

All negative.

This cycle failed, but I didn’t fail. My body didn’t fail me.

This takes time and for some, there are just different methods needed, more time needed, and thinking outside the box. We have to toil the earth, lay down compost and dirt, before planting the seed. My mother always reminded me of a Bible quote about everything having it’s own time – I like to think she would be reminding me of it today if she was here.

The failure of this cycle, though, does open the door to many other avenues and closes the door to some really personal ones.

I will give myself space to mourn. I will honor what my body has went through these last several months and I will give myself a month or two to heal. I will allow myself to mourn the possibility of an “easy” conception. I will allow myself to mourn not using my own eggs. I will take the time to really appreciate the work my body has done, honor the changes and procedures it has indured, and get excited about the new possibilities.

I will constantly move forward.

I look forward to being the first home to the child meant to grow in my body. I am grateful to have the opportunity to have a piece of my wife growing in my body. What a beautiful, priceless gift? Having both of us being apart of this child(ren).

I will talk more about the direction our journey has lead us in a later post, but I will affirm that everything has lead to this point perfectly. Each step, although hard, has been confirmed through various moments, actions, and situations.

It failed. Our last IUI using donor sperm and my own eggs has failed and that’s okay. I will take the time to heal but I will also hold space to be excited.

Monday will be the start of our new journey.

The next few months will be beautiful, exciting, exhausting, overwhelming and filled.

I’m grateful to have my wife walk with me through this – we’ve always defyed expectations together since the first day we met.

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Jessie says:

    Sending you both love in this time.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. rooniesr says:

    This weekend has been such a jumble of emotions so far. I really appreciate you writing this out. I’m ready to process and rest and get excited for our next adventure.
    Onward and with so much love,
    -your wife

    Liked by 1 person

  3. marybethmullens says:

    Damn. I am so sorry for you two. But I’m super impressed with your attitude right now, you have such a healthy perspective on it when you have every right to feel sucky. Go you! Can’t wait to see you gals soon and chat more about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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