it’s not settling in. 

my mom has been dead for nearly seven years – october 20th. time doesn’t make it seem any less, it doesn’t heal this wound. time becomes irrelevant. 

some days it feels like years without her. 

other days, like today, only a few days. 

I wish she was here today, yesterday, the day before. 

her response would be exactly what I needed, what I wanted. it would be excitement and pride and hopeful. 

she understands all things are temporary but they should be celebrated. she understands there is a time for everything. 

I wholeheartedly miss my mother. I wish she was here to experience this life with me. 

so, without her, this is how I cope. her Facebook page that I have memoralized. a page where I write to her about how badly I miss her or how angry I am that she is gone or how she should be right here. 

infertility is hard. fertility treatments are brutal. this is not a road we should or want to walk alone. it’s bump and Rocky and my body has brusies and scars and sometimes it’s nice to have that support network that we can lean back on. 

my mother would have been that for us. 

One Comment Add yours

  1. This is devastating to read, I am so sorry that you lost your mother. I can only imagine how hard it must be to go through this process without her.

    My fiancé lost her mother 7 years ago this October. We try to incorporate her mother into this experience as much as possible. We will have her favourite dessert the day of an important appointment or we will wear something of hers to the clinic.

    I’m sure she is by your side through every moment. 💕


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