when you’re officially residents of the antepartum ward.

I’m exhausted
I’m sleeping a lot more
My body is trying to get ready
My cervix is barely there
yesterday they shoved a donut like device
inside me to try to offer it more strength
but it’s really the point in the
story where we try anything
to get one more day.
they shoved something else up
inside me today
to make sure my waters weren’t leaking.
I feel like they’re filling me up.
while babies are dropping lower
and lower into a place that
really
they are as low as they can go before
taking a breath of the same air I’m
breathing.

we don’t have a baby problem.

my body is squeezing and tightening
and it’s making me more achy
more exhausted
and driving them out of me.
expelling them.

and here we are on the ledge.
we are waiting in a hospital bed
sleeping toes to nose and nose to toes
cuddled against each other
two parents unready and lonely
who are holding all this on our shoulders
without others truly realizing how heavy it is.
a waiting game.
its a waiting game.
it’s a this could get intense quickly game
it’s a you could be knocked out and cut open game.
it’s a your babies could be away from your body
for so long game.

we are in a traumatic situation
trying to be strong
because we have no other choice.

so, until they come I will
sleep in this hospital bed
with my wifes feet next to my nose
cuddling close to her
in mesh panties and a big round belly
and two babies contantly moving
their way closer out of my body.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Melissa Mitchell says:

    I’m happy that you are sharing your journey, emotions, reality with us. There are specific ways we can pray for and support you…holding you up during this traumatic time. Your strength because you have to be is admirable and I know-exhausting. I look back thru the posts and realize you are almost to Feb 13- your 98% survival date mentioned so many weeks ago. Every day becomes one blessed step closer to healthy babies and fewer complications in the short and long term for them. Continuing to hold you ladies and your babies up in light and love 💕 you are not alone. Remember we are all connected and your village loves you.
    💞 Melissa

    Like

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