putting ‘obsession’ in postpartum ocd.

  well, i am down to using only instagram as my social media outlet.  but there doesn’t mean there isn’t struggle involved with maintaining myself.  it’s been a month since i broke up with facebook. i quit it. pressed that ‘deactivation’ button (but still haven’t had the strength to ‘delete’ ten years of data) and…

life was born out of my belly.

My muscles in my abdomen are extremely sore now. My wife said they held me open and pushed and pulled to get the babies out of the six inch cut right above my pubic bone. I’ve held the belief that csections are the absolute latest resort and people shouldn’t give into mindless intervention, but after…

when your postpartum feels co-oped.

Postpartum is supposed to be a very special time. It’s a time of healing and taking care of the new mother and a time to adjust to the new normal. This has been the absolute worst time in my life. The days following my mother’s death was difficult – planning her funeral at 20, writing…

everything is a procedure (trauma affects everything).

Catheters feel like I’m seven I know the pattern now standing in Jean shorts my mom’s asleep and his hands are rough and I don’t like this. they tried to convince me it’s the easiest way that I would need it. it burned and hurt and I didn’t want it. they finally took it out….

when you’re officially residents of the antepartum ward.

I’m exhausted I’m sleeping a lot more My body is trying to get ready My cervix is barely there yesterday they shoved a donut like device inside me to try to offer it more strength but it’s really the point in the story where we try anything to get one more day. they shoved something…

so, how do you pray (meditate/center yourself)?

i am trying to make it a habit of waking up and praying.  i’ve only done this consistently in the last few days. [What is your favorite prayer? Quote? Meditation mantra? Reminder for yourself? Are there any you could share with me? I would certainly appreciate having them, writing them down, during this process. ]…

a conversation before & during fertility treatments:

a conversation that they should have with you before fertility treatments: they don’t sit you down and tell you what will change during this process. you are on their time – no control – and you do as they say when they say it. they manipulate your body to work on their time – lowering…

no, kid, your uterus aches.

there is an unsettling feeling that has grown in my uterus. there is actually so much unsettling that i am starting to feel rattled. it could very well be the birth control pills too. i don’t do well on hormones. my body, well my body isn’t completely used to the natural hormones let alone these…