26 weeks. we made it this far.

It’s been a few weeks I’ve been in the hospital twice. Once, at 23 weeks, for a few nights for bleeding and a bladder infection. Another time, a few days after, for bleeding and then the contractions started. We hit viability in a hospital room. Where I was hooked to five different monitors and meeting…

perfectly currated two first names. 

They have names – perfectly currated two first names each. I’m passionate about their two first names. No hyphen, just two names that slide out of our mouths like a prayer or like poetry that will command others to remember,to learn, to not forget one. They’ll think it’s an inconvenience, I’m sure. While I see…

the hardest (most beautiful) thing I’ve ever had to do. 

(Unedited mobile post. sorry for wonky formats.)  I made it to 20 weeks. I feel that we are more than halfway here. I have two babies, my goal is 36 weeks. Anything after is extra (torture for me but great for these two little guys).  I’m currently sitting in a room in my Midwives’ office…

17/40 (goal 17/36)

Currently see hospital-based midwives, MFM, and an OB nearly every week. We know the sex – with all the ultrasounds, it was very easy to tell. We know their names. We hired a photographer (Monet Nicole Photography) and a doula that specializes in hypnobabies. Both babies are healthy and thriving. They continue to measure a…

more than a body but maybe more than a shelter too. 

They are beginning to hear now. They are seeing, smelling, and they are hearing. They are consuming the words I say aloud and being nourished by the thoughts coursing through my head and, at this point, they are an extension of myself. Connected to my body, feeding off my body, my blood pumping through their…

“be not of those who are shut out as by a veil.”

They vibrate my insides when I walk around too much or drink soda water. I feel it on the outside, my lower belly in specific spots, like there are two small pagers inside my uterus going off at various points in time. Their inch and a half long bodies wiggling around and vibrating my organs….

we’re moving to the mountains.

i was going to write this long, elegant post about moving, stress, anxiety and how hard pregnancy is but it didn’t sound right. the words rolled around my mouth too much and, maybe its because i’m violently vomiting everything out of my body, but they simply didn’t come out right. like they were covered in…

the waiting game. 

we are playing the waiting game.  isn’t this all just a waiting game for one thing or another? like we are leapfrogging from one moment to the next?  I feel like for the last year our hearts have lived inside our throats and our bodies are trying to find stability in it’s new normal –…

So, walk on the side of hope. 

We transferred this past Monday during the eclipse. As the moon covered the sun – that exact moment of totality – our doctor inserted two small and perfect blastocyst into my uterus.   It was that simple.   I was positive, spent says imagining these children, and bringing them into existence. And they’re there, today,…

the results!

yesterday was emotional – to say the least. but my wife was extraordinary. she was brave. she was selfless. and she was beyond anything that i could have imagined. going into this surgery had to be scary and you carry a ton of emotion, but i am so proud of seeing how my wife handled…