“be not of those who are shut out as by a veil.”

They vibrate my insides when I walk around too much or drink soda water. I feel it on the outside, my lower belly in specific spots, like there are two small pagers inside my uterus going off at various points in time. Their inch and a half long bodies wiggling around and vibrating my organs….

some answered questions about the babies.

We heard their heartbeats yesterday at our 8-week appointment. We saw them wiggle and wiggle and wiggle. They’re alive. They’re growing. And we can’t help but think they’re magical. We are honoring this time as they grow and grow inside me, but we look forward to the moment that they enter earthside. We have many…

Hey babies!

It is with great excitement that we announce TWO new Raos who are making their appearance in late April/Early May. – We found out while on a trip to the great outdoors four days after our embryo transfer. The line that we got was dark. We tested for days after and the line stayed dark…

the waiting game. 

we are playing the waiting game.  isn’t this all just a waiting game for one thing or another? like we are leapfrogging from one moment to the next?  I feel like for the last year our hearts have lived inside our throats and our bodies are trying to find stability in it’s new normal –…

So, walk on the side of hope. 

We transferred this past Monday during the eclipse. As the moon covered the sun – that exact moment of totality – our doctor inserted two small and perfect blastocyst into my uterus.   It was that simple.   I was positive, spent says imagining these children, and bringing them into existence. And they’re there, today,…

a conversation before & during fertility treatments:

a conversation that they should have with you before fertility treatments: they don’t sit you down and tell you what will change during this process. you are on their time – no control – and you do as they say when they say it. they manipulate your body to work on their time – lowering…

she’s not here (when your mom is dead). 

My mom would have wanted to be a part of this.  I sit in bed, forcing myself to try to nap during days, just so I can see her in my dreams. In my dreams, she’s our most supportive person. She’s the person calling to check on us everyday. She’s the person remembering that it…

race will always play a part.

Choosing a donor is a very intimate, strategic process. It is different for everyone going through this process but the main similarity is that you want someone healthy. For us, we have very specific requirements: the donor needed to reflect the one who’s eggs aren’t being used (physically and mentally), they needed to have a…

and here we go.

We had our baseline today. It was the first time that my darling wife had an ultrasound and she was fantastic. Seeing her up on the table this time instead of myself really drove everything home – this is happening. We are going through with this. I couldn’t be more overfilled with emotion. I am…

its hard but not impossible (whole30/facebook abstinence).

after dealing with five failed iuis and gaining a lot of weight from the hormones. i needed to move in a different direction. definition of insanity, right, if i continued in the same direction as i have been going. ivf is expensive as fuck. why wouldn’t i try to tame my pcos and hypothyroid (btw,…