no, kid, your uterus aches.

there is an unsettling feeling that has grown in my uterus. there is actually so much unsettling that i am starting to feel rattled. it could very well be the birth control pills too. i don’t do well on hormones. my body, well my body isn’t completely used to the natural hormones let alone these…

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)?

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)? It is the ultimate form of science. And magic. Well, to sum it up, it’s a pretty magical process. It’s a mixture of science and magic and something that is slightly whimsical and we had previously thought was just right out of our touch. We started out like that…

just because things fail doesn’t mean you do. 

28 Walmart Cheapies 12 Family Dollar Cheapies 12 First Response 1 Blood Test All negative. This cycle failed, but I didn’t fail. My body didn’t fail me. This takes time and for some, there are just different methods needed, more time needed, and thinking outside the box. We have to toil the earth, lay down…

an ocean too heavy. 

There is a deep loneliness in trying to conceive. There is a deeper loneliness being the body that is being used. The hormones take a toll and create exhaustion, anxiety, and lethargy. It’s hard to communicate enough how off things feel, how torn down that you feel, how sometimes – sometimes you wish you didn’t…

small update because progesterone is holding me down. 

I am currently: 4dpiui (days post IUI) 6dpt (days post trigger)  I started progrsterone Sunday night and life is hell. I’m exhausted, unable to get out of bed, crying, and my body feels horrible.  This “two week wait” is always hard once progesterone starts. I become a hermit. An emotional, exhausted, irritable little hermit.  I’m…

and so the wait begins. 

We had our IUI today at 2ish.  It was stressful due to  nearly two hours of waiting, but it ended up being a super easy IUI.  My darling wife, like before, got to inseminate once the catheter was threaded through my cervix and into my uterus.  I feel good about this.  I feel calm and…

not going to throw away my shot (cue Hamilton).

Last night I had my trigger shot.  Okay, I feel like ‘had’ is down playing what happened last night. I feel like it doesn’t explain the scene that occured when my wife walked into the door after work.  For our past IUIs we had trigger shots at various times. We have 24 hours before IUI,…

when zika steps into your life plans.

we had to sign an official form with our clinic that i will not travel to the southern states or any place with confirmed zika cases. if we want to use my wife’s eggs for reciprocal ivf, she has to be eight weeks (according to our doctor, preferably six months) past any travel into these…

the sun has a certain power (our fifth, last iui).

I have spent a lot of time outside lately – gardening, running, walking throughout our neighborhood, sitting in a hammock at the park – and there is a fullness inside me. I think it is because of the sun. The sun grows. It settles deep into my skin and fills my body and helps grow,…

it should be noted.

that my wife is the most selfless, supportive, and loving human being. she has given and given and given so much in this harrowing process. we sometimes forget that our spouses are going through this with us emotionally, that they are feeling it just as deep. i wanted to take the time to acknowledge that. to…