real life.

real life. dirty clothes in the corner. things thrown about. amma carrying one babe while mama nurses the other. house a wreck. worries and anxiety in the air. we are recouping from traveling and getting ready for mama’s dental surgery traveling back to tx to see our fam winter breaks we are listening to books…

the hardest (most beautiful) thing I’ve ever had to do. 

(Unedited mobile post. sorry for wonky formats.)  I made it to 20 weeks. I feel that we are more than halfway here. I have two babies, my goal is 36 weeks. Anything after is extra (torture for me but great for these two little guys).  I’m currently sitting in a room in my Midwives’ office…

more than a body but maybe more than a shelter too. 

They are beginning to hear now. They are seeing, smelling, and they are hearing. They are consuming the words I say aloud and being nourished by the thoughts coursing through my head and, at this point, they are an extension of myself. Connected to my body, feeding off my body, my blood pumping through their…

the waiting game. 

we are playing the waiting game.  isn’t this all just a waiting game for one thing or another? like we are leapfrogging from one moment to the next?  I feel like for the last year our hearts have lived inside our throats and our bodies are trying to find stability in it’s new normal –…

So, walk on the side of hope. 

We transferred this past Monday during the eclipse. As the moon covered the sun – that exact moment of totality – our doctor inserted two small and perfect blastocyst into my uterus.   It was that simple.   I was positive, spent says imagining these children, and bringing them into existence. And they’re there, today,…

the results!

yesterday was emotional – to say the least. but my wife was extraordinary. she was brave. she was selfless. and she was beyond anything that i could have imagined. going into this surgery had to be scary and you carry a ton of emotion, but i am so proud of seeing how my wife handled…

a conversation before & during fertility treatments:

a conversation that they should have with you before fertility treatments: they don’t sit you down and tell you what will change during this process. you are on their time – no control – and you do as they say when they say it. they manipulate your body to work on their time – lowering…

she’s not here (when your mom is dead). 

My mom would have wanted to be a part of this.  I sit in bed, forcing myself to try to nap during days, just so I can see her in my dreams. In my dreams, she’s our most supportive person. She’s the person calling to check on us everyday. She’s the person remembering that it…

race will always play a part.

Choosing a donor is a very intimate, strategic process. It is different for everyone going through this process but the main similarity is that you want someone healthy. For us, we have very specific requirements: the donor needed to reflect the one who’s eggs aren’t being used (physically and mentally), they needed to have a…

and here we go.

We had our baseline today. It was the first time that my darling wife had an ultrasound and she was fantastic. Seeing her up on the table this time instead of myself really drove everything home – this is happening. We are going through with this. I couldn’t be more overfilled with emotion. I am…