17/40 (goal 17/36)

Currently see hospital-based midwives, MFM, and an OB nearly every week. We know the sex – with all the ultrasounds, it was very easy to tell. We know their names. We hired a photographer (Monet Nicole Photography) and a doula that specializes in hypnobabies. Both babies are healthy and thriving. They continue to measure a…

more than a body but maybe more than a shelter too. 

They are beginning to hear now. They are seeing, smelling, and they are hearing. They are consuming the words I say aloud and being nourished by the thoughts coursing through my head and, at this point, they are an extension of myself. Connected to my body, feeding off my body, my blood pumping through their…

Will they always be like this?

I made it to twelve weeks (well, as of today, twelve weeks and two days). My stomach is swollen like I ate an inflated kickball and I’m wondering if it is measuring more like twenty weeks if it was a singleton. There are certainly two babies in there. They are active, two and a half…

the intensity of pregnancy dreams.

Ever since I was a very small child, I have had vivid, lucid dreams. They played a huge role in my ability to world build throughout my childhood and have helped my foundation as a storyteller. As of now, at 27, I can remember hundreds of dreams in my childhood. My oldest is a dream…

“be not of those who are shut out as by a veil.”

They vibrate my insides when I walk around too much or drink soda water. I feel it on the outside, my lower belly in specific spots, like there are two small pagers inside my uterus going off at various points in time. Their inch and a half long bodies wiggling around and vibrating my organs….

and here we go.

We had our baseline today. It was the first time that my darling wife had an ultrasound and she was fantastic. Seeing her up on the table this time instead of myself really drove everything home – this is happening. We are going through with this. I couldn’t be more overfilled with emotion. I am…

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)?

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)? It is the ultimate form of science. And magic. Well, to sum it up, it’s a pretty magical process. It’s a mixture of science and magic and something that is slightly whimsical and we had previously thought was just right out of our touch. We started out like that…

an ocean too heavy. 

There is a deep loneliness in trying to conceive. There is a deeper loneliness being the body that is being used. The hormones take a toll and create exhaustion, anxiety, and lethargy. It’s hard to communicate enough how off things feel, how torn down that you feel, how sometimes – sometimes you wish you didn’t…

when zika steps into your life plans.

we had to sign an official form with our clinic that i will not travel to the southern states or any place with confirmed zika cases. if we want to use my wife’s eggs for reciprocal ivf, she has to be eight weeks (according to our doctor, preferably six months) past any travel into these…