real life.

real life. dirty clothes in the corner. things thrown about. amma carrying one babe while mama nurses the other. house a wreck. worries and anxiety in the air. we are recouping from traveling and getting ready for mama’s dental surgery traveling back to tx to see our fam winter breaks we are listening to books…

and here we go.

We had our baseline today. It was the first time that my darling wife had an ultrasound and she was fantastic. Seeing her up on the table this time instead of myself really drove everything home – this is happening. We are going through with this. I couldn’t be more overfilled with emotion. I am…

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)?

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)? It is the ultimate form of science. And magic. Well, to sum it up, it’s a pretty magical process. It’s a mixture of science and magic and something that is slightly whimsical and we had previously thought was just right out of our touch. We started out like that…

and so the wait begins. 

We had our IUI today at 2ish.  It was stressful due to  nearly two hours of waiting, but it ended up being a super easy IUI.  My darling wife, like before, got to inseminate once the catheter was threaded through my cervix and into my uterus.  I feel good about this.  I feel calm and…

when zika steps into your life plans.

we had to sign an official form with our clinic that i will not travel to the southern states or any place with confirmed zika cases. if we want to use my wife’s eggs for reciprocal ivf, she has to be eight weeks (according to our doctor, preferably six months) past any travel into these…

the sun has a certain power (our fifth, last iui).

I have spent a lot of time outside lately – gardening, running, walking throughout our neighborhood, sitting in a hammock at the park – and there is a fullness inside me. I think it is because of the sun. The sun grows. It settles deep into my skin and fills my body and helps grow,…

it should be noted.

that my wife is the most selfless, supportive, and loving human being. she has given and given and given so much in this harrowing process. we sometimes forget that our spouses are going through this with us emotionally, that they are feeling it just as deep. i wanted to take the time to acknowledge that. to…

a garbage full of negatives.

It was 15dpiui and I had taken 48 tests. Each one I scrutinized with squinting eyes as I held my phone’s flashlight on it. Is that a line? That shadow? Could that be a positive? Maybe? Maybe this is the time? Each test, the same thing. Morning, during the daytime, in the middle of the…

the clusterfuck that is a thyroid.

So, we never hear about the thyroid. I never understood exactly what the thyroid did until my sister in law pointed out my levels being too high. I never worried about it and stayed up late into the night too anxious about it until I actually understood how it affected my fertility. There is a naive,…