life was born out of my belly.

My muscles in my abdomen are extremely sore now. My wife said they held me open and pushed and pulled to get the babies out of the six inch cut right above my pubic bone. I’ve held the belief that csections are the absolute latest resort and people shouldn’t give into mindless intervention, but after…

when your postpartum feels co-oped.

Postpartum is supposed to be a very special time. It’s a time of healing and taking care of the new mother and a time to adjust to the new normal. This has been the absolute worst time in my life. The days following my mother’s death was difficult – planning her funeral at 20, writing…

when you’re officially residents of the antepartum ward.

I’m exhausted I’m sleeping a lot more My body is trying to get ready My cervix is barely there yesterday they shoved a donut like device inside me to try to offer it more strength but it’s really the point in the story where we try anything to get one more day. they shoved something…

26 weeks. we made it this far.

It’s been a few weeks I’ve been in the hospital twice. Once, at 23 weeks, for a few nights for bleeding and a bladder infection. Another time, a few days after, for bleeding and then the contractions started. We hit viability in a hospital room. Where I was hooked to five different monitors and meeting…

and things take a turn (fighting lying down). 

we saw these two today. they’re rambunctious and healthy. I was a bit tired of these scans every two weeks. Part of me thought they were useless and overdone but, know what, I’m grateful? These scans check my cervix length and make sure the babies are growing. Up to this 21 week point, my cervix…

the hardest (most beautiful) thing I’ve ever had to do. 

(Unedited mobile post. sorry for wonky formats.)  I made it to 20 weeks. I feel that we are more than halfway here. I have two babies, my goal is 36 weeks. Anything after is extra (torture for me but great for these two little guys).  I’m currently sitting in a room in my Midwives’ office…

17/40 (goal 17/36)

Currently see hospital-based midwives, MFM, and an OB nearly every week. We know the sex – with all the ultrasounds, it was very easy to tell. We know their names. We hired a photographer (Monet Nicole Photography) and a doula that specializes in hypnobabies. Both babies are healthy and thriving. They continue to measure a…

more than a body but maybe more than a shelter too. 

They are beginning to hear now. They are seeing, smelling, and they are hearing. They are consuming the words I say aloud and being nourished by the thoughts coursing through my head and, at this point, they are an extension of myself. Connected to my body, feeding off my body, my blood pumping through their…

Will they always be like this?

I made it to twelve weeks (well, as of today, twelve weeks and two days). My stomach is swollen like I ate an inflated kickball and I’m wondering if it is measuring more like twenty weeks if it was a singleton. There are certainly two babies in there. They are active, two and a half…