it’s not settling in. 

my mom has been dead for nearly seven years – october 20th. time doesn’t make it seem any less, it doesn’t heal this wound. time becomes irrelevant.  some days it feels like years without her.  other days, like today, only a few days.  I wish she was here today, yesterday, the day before.  her response…

the results!

yesterday was emotional – to say the least. but my wife was extraordinary. she was brave. she was selfless. and she was beyond anything that i could have imagined. going into this surgery had to be scary and you carry a ton of emotion, but i am so proud of seeing how my wife handled…

so, how do you pray (meditate/center yourself)?

i am trying to make it a habit of waking up and praying.  i’ve only done this consistently in the last few days. [What is your favorite prayer? Quote? Meditation mantra? Reminder for yourself? Are there any you could share with me? I would certainly appreciate having them, writing them down, during this process. ]…

a conversation before & during fertility treatments:

a conversation that they should have with you before fertility treatments: they don’t sit you down and tell you what will change during this process. you are on their time – no control – and you do as they say when they say it. they manipulate your body to work on their time – lowering…

she’s not here (when your mom is dead). 

My mom would have wanted to be a part of this.  I sit in bed, forcing myself to try to nap during days, just so I can see her in my dreams. In my dreams, she’s our most supportive person. She’s the person calling to check on us everyday. She’s the person remembering that it…

race will always play a part.

Choosing a donor is a very intimate, strategic process. It is different for everyone going through this process but the main similarity is that you want someone healthy. For us, we have very specific requirements: the donor needed to reflect the one who’s eggs aren’t being used (physically and mentally), they needed to have a…

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)?

So, what is reciprocal IVF (RIVF)? It is the ultimate form of science. And magic. Well, to sum it up, it’s a pretty magical process. It’s a mixture of science and magic and something that is slightly whimsical and we had previously thought was just right out of our touch. We started out like that…

just because things fail doesn’t mean you do. 

28 Walmart Cheapies 12 Family Dollar Cheapies 12 First Response 1 Blood Test All negative. This cycle failed, but I didn’t fail. My body didn’t fail me. This takes time and for some, there are just different methods needed, more time needed, and thinking outside the box. We have to toil the earth, lay down…

an ocean too heavy. 

There is a deep loneliness in trying to conceive. There is a deeper loneliness being the body that is being used. The hormones take a toll and create exhaustion, anxiety, and lethargy. It’s hard to communicate enough how off things feel, how torn down that you feel, how sometimes – sometimes you wish you didn’t…

small update because progesterone is holding me down. 

I am currently: 4dpiui (days post IUI) 6dpt (days post trigger)  I started progrsterone Sunday night and life is hell. I’m exhausted, unable to get out of bed, crying, and my body feels horrible.  This “two week wait” is always hard once progesterone starts. I become a hermit. An emotional, exhausted, irritable little hermit.  I’m…